i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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