just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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