I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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