I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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