I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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