I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
