Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
