if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
