OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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