goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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