if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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