I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
