Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
