i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
