there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
