I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
