theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
two words...techno handjob
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
