Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
