He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
