so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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