I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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