Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
