Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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