paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
