I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
