well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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