yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need water and some morals
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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