your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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