I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can't talk, ducks in the car
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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