Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
