Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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