I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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