I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
