I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
