On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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