So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
