i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
