you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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