You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
