Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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