party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
