u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
