Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
