So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
