If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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