I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
