you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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