Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
