last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there was a trapeze. enough said
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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