I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Someone signed my nipple.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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