I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
