I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
