So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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