i just had sex bonerless
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
