Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
