i wish my penis had a tongue
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
where are my eyebrows?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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