If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
