Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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