i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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